Home

This past month has been a struggle in adjusting, but my feelings about being here are growing to be more positive and the desire to flee home has more or less dissipated, at least until now. A wise friend reminded me that home is always ready and waiting for me when I return. Hearing this has made it easier for me focus on being present here, rather than dreaming and wondering what’s going on in all the places other than here. But the world still spins, time still turns, and home is going to change. When I was preparing to leave to come here, I would silently pray that everyone would still be here (there) when I got back. 

But the world still spins, time still turns, and home has changed.

How does one practice being present when home is hurting? I feel so called to be somewhere else, feel so called to be home (which has come to mean far more than a single place, a single person). And I would go, instantly, without hesitation, if it weren’t for the cost to fly (if only I could Apparate…). Know that although physically I am here, miles and miles away, mentally and emotionally I am reaching for you, that I am with you. I love you so much.

Go like water, come like water.

photos8.com

Nebaj Part II

I'm in Nabaj, Guatemala, which is about four hours from Ixtahuacan, passing over from the Mam region into Quiche/Ixil region. Regions are more or less divided based on the native languages. Here, in Nebaj, the language is Ixil. Quiche (key-chay) is the capital of the region, where Quiche is spoken. Although I'm only a few hours away, there are definitely cultural differences here that I've been adjusting to. Thus far, they've only been minor, such as greetings and thanking everyone individually after finishing a meal (in Ixta, we just said a general thank you). I imagine there will be more once I feel settled in.

In my time here, I've missed, along with my human family, my cat and my dog. Luckily where I am now, there are always lots of animals around, and the cat here loves attention, so we've gotten along well. Pet culture (I suppose that's what you could call it) doesn't exist here. Well, sort of. Many people have dogs specifically to guard the house or warn if someone (or something) is coming. The dogs are not allowed inside (most of the time) and are fed the scraps of leftover food. In the city, there are hundreds (maybe that's an exaggeration, but in any case, a significant number) of stray dogs or dogs who spend the day wandering the streets, as some of them have owners. It's a little overwhelming, but luckily, most of them are afraid of people or at least, not aggressive toward people. I feel terrible when there's a female dog in heat and there's literally a pack of males following her...

Michelle

Mali

They were hungry and came to let me know.

The one that is perched was cold and was trying to sit
beneath its mate, who wasn't interested in warming him up.
This is from my bed.

Nebaj is a little colder than Ixta, and a lot wetter. There's a lot of mud and not many roads are paved. It's been getting warmer, though, as we're entering the dry season, but it can still be cold at night. We've had several chicks die because they wandered from their mothers during the night (though, the two mother hens don't care for them very well).

I still miss home quite a bit. Since I've been in Guatemala I've seen lots of interesting t-shirts and other clothing from the States (clothes that don't sell at Salvation Army etc eventually make their way down here). Most interestingly I've seen a few from Indiana specifically: Indiana Hoosiers, Notre Dame University (10 minutes from where I grew up), a few from Indy, and one that said Manchester Township (not quite Indiana, but close enough for me). I'm not sure if the Universe is calling me home, or if it's trying to tell me that home is here...

P.S. Something I've learned recently: the term "ladino" (previously misspelled ladrino in an earlier post) is an offensive term for those of mixed culture. If you were to look up the word in the dictionary, you would find "robber" or "thief". I'm told the term originates from back when the colonialists first arrived, when a Spanish man would father a child, whose mother was indigenous, and neither the father nor the mother wanted the child, because it was associated with the other parent's culture. So in order to survive, they became thieves. I apologize for using the word so loosely earlier, but I suppose that's part of the learning process. The proper term to use is "mestiza", or mixed, for anyone who's curious.

Thanks for reading.

Nebaj (nay-bach)

In my last post I talked about choosing a site for my two years of service, and since then I have chosen a site. Unfortunately because of the time crunch, Todd and I were only able to visit Nebaj, which is where I am now. Along with BVS, I am working with a Guatemalan organization called CIEDG, which stands for Conferencia de Iglesias Evangelicas D..? Guatemala, or Church Conferences of Guatemala. CIEDG works on a local scale, giving presentations on the basics of business, women’s rights, importance of hygiene, among other things. CIEDG has also provided greenhouse plastic (and sometimes the wood or PVS for the building structure) for several groups of families here in Nebaj as well as the surrounding aldeas (towns outside of a city). When I visited Nebaj the first time, I got to know who is now my host mother, as well as her immediate and extended family. While originally I was hesitant to agree to come here, once I found out that I would stay with Cata, I felt a lot more excited about being part of this community.

As a result of the civil war (which I will talk about later, after I learn enough to say something), many of the Ixil people were either killed or displaced and are now living in unfamiliar places, where they do not always know how to grow food. This is one reason for the greenhouses. The greenhouses serve as another source of food or income, if there is excess, during the winter months here. While a Guatemalan winter is not the same as a winter in Indiana, it is still difficult to grow food during this time. During my first time in Nebaj, it rained every day except the last and for the week I was there, there were four days without sun (The weather definitely contributed to my hesitation to stay here. I am definitely sensitive to ‘winter blues’).

Now that I am here and it has stopped raining, I am growing to like it. I live in one of the aldeas called Visajcub (vee-sa-coobp). It is about a 15-30 minute walk from the town depending on if you are camindando or paseando. It is beautiful here, and there are three green houses on Cata’s family’s property (she only participates in caring for one of them). While I am happy to be here, it has also been a struggle, even in these few days. I never really felt called to be here in Nebaj, and I may have misread a ‘sign’ to even come to Guatemala. Although I am still in Guatemala, Nebaj has a different set of cultural norms than Ixtahuacan, which I am still figuring out. In terms of gender norms, Guatemala is rather traditional, which has been frustrating for me, as I tend to be a little more masculine (especially in the way I dress). Here, appearance is incredibly important. People have outfits specifically for going into town, and most people are keen on looking sharp. I did not bring dress shoes nor sandals, and my baggy jeans are a sight sore, but it is what I like. It is difficult wanting to fit in, but at the same time being (at my core), radically different from this culture.

I have also been struggling (again) with language. I’m not sure if there is a different dialect here, but I’ve been having trouble understanding people, as well as expressing myself. I find myself dreaming of going home, what I will do once BVS is over, and even catch myself looking at other BVS sites as though I would change. I am determined, at this time, to stay here for at least six months. If it hasn’t changed, then I will work on an alternative plan. I need to be more proactive and participatory until then…

Adios.

Ixtahuacan (eeks-tee-wah-kahn)

I apologize for the time lapse between posts-- normally I’m not so conscious of my time on the Internet, but when you’re limited by how many gigabytes you upload/download within a month (Todd and Caty pay for four per month), the goal is to do what needs to be done first, and frankly, ‘blogging’ comes last.

I am currently living in Ixtahuacan, Guatemala. It’s a small town on the central west side of Guatemala and the local language is Mam. I’ve been in the country for two months as of Monday, and will likely be here for one more. Culture shock has come in waves, and occasionally still it shows up, but I’ve certainly grown accustomed to being here. Lately there have been women telling me that I’m going to end up marrying someone from here (the same as Todd), and I’ve even been proposed to a few times by drunk men, but luckily I have someone back home.

In Ixtahuacan there are two cultures: the indigenous and the ladrino, or mixed cultures. The indigenous culture is typically marked first by the dark skin and hair color, second by the Mam language, and third by the clothing style. They also tend to be more reserved in their social interactions. The traditional clothing is more obvious in the women, as the men have slowly adapted to wear more Western clothing, but some accessories and outfits are still used for everyday or ceremonial occasions. The women wear what is called a traje, which is a woven whipeel (a type of shirt) and a corte (a type of wrap skirt). The material is heavy and sturdy, similar to canvas, but not quite as rough. (I will post a picture of me wearing one later.) The ladrino culture is much more outgoing (I can definitely see some residue of Spanish culture), and the women greet each other with a besito (a kiss, on the right cheek). The men also greet women this way, but it is much more common amongst women, as far as I can tell. Ladrinos typically have lighter, olive skin with fine hair (I’ve seen one boy who’s as light as me with blue eyes, which is incredibly rare here. Perhaps this sounds strange to a U.S. American, but it’s definitely something that is noticed here.) Those raised in the ladrino culture usually only speak Castellano (Spanish), where the indigenous know both Castellano and Mam.

In general, the biggest struggle has been the language. I am learning that I understand far more than I am able to express, which means I need to speak more Spanish when I can. With the family, I speak both English (to Todd, Yanna, and John Diego) and Spanish (to Caty), but it can be tempting to go to an English-speaker first when I need something. Something I have come to appreciate, however, is being forced to speak Spanish, being forced to express myself in a language that feels strange. My Spanish has increased much faster in the two months that I have been here than in the four I was in Spain studying the language, because I am forced to speak it. While studying abroad in Spain I was with a group of 30 or so other U.S. American students, whom I spent most of my free time with. It was too easy to speak English. Here, other than Todd and Yanna, there are a few men that have spent some time working in the States and know a little English, but it’s far easier for us to converse in Spanish.

I mentioned earlier that I have one more month here in Ixtahuacan. Right now I am looking at two potential volunteer sites (where I would spend my two years as a BVSer), one in Totonicapan (toto-nee-ka-pan) and the other in Nebaj (nay-bah). Both would be working with a women’s group that focuses on food security and educating locals how to grow food to support their families. Todd and I are hoping to visit both sites sometime next week or the week after, and then I would choose which site I like (if I like either of them) and spend my time volunteering there. It’s a little tricky because Caty is pregnant and due in early December, so we’re definitely a little crunched for time, especially if the baby decides to come early.

All in all, I’m doing well here. I miss home sometimes, but I’m happy to be here and to have this experience. I’m always craving something but I have no idea what it is. I’m adjusting to the smaller portions of food here, but also learning the difference between want and need. How much do I really need to eat?

Les vaya bien (may you all go well),

Jess

Pre-Departure/First Month

On August 3rd, I (along with 23 others) finished BVS Orientation in New Windsor, MD. BVS stands for Brethren Volunteer Service and is similar to the Peace Corps in that members volunteer for a year or two either in the States or abroad (word on the street is that BVS inspired the Peace Corps). From what I understand, the difference between BVS and the Peace Corps is that volunteers have more of a say in where they spend their time (one year in the States, two abroad), but in Peace Corps they put you where they most need you. I could be wrong. My orientation went well, considering 24 people from different backgrounds were thrown together and challenged to create a supportive community within the space of less than three weeks. Of the group, eight were from Germany, 10 had just graduated college (six of which were from Manchester), 12 had just graduated from high school (this included the Germans), and two were adults over 30. It was definitely a challenge, but I can see now that I have grown from it.

Many people have been asking about my project specifically, and it's been a little strange repeating myself, but I certainly know how to explain myself now. During orientation, my top three choices were ARI, Gould Farm, and Central America (ambiguous). I don't have time to explain all of them, but the first two are linked to their websites if you'd like to know more. There is no specific BVS project site in Central America available that I am currently interested in, so the plan was to go down to Guatemala with the BVS Latin American project coordinator and stay with his family for three months, meanwhile working on my Spanish, getting acclimated to the culture, and also looking for a project. Todd (the Latin American coordinator) and Dan (the BVS director) are confident that we will find a project that fits my interests, and that I will benefit as well.

I apologize for switching between tenses, some of this was written right after orientation, but I am now writing while in Ixtahuacan (ex-tee-wah-can), Guatemala. I am living with Todd, his wife, Cati (a native Guatemalan), and their children Yana (5) and John Diego (11 months). Cati is a middle school teacher and only teaches from 7:30 AM-12 PM. Todd spends most of his time working on their property, where they grow bananas, coffee, pomegrantes, oranges, peaches, figs, corn, and various herbs and spices. He guessed they have about three acres, but I think it's a little more. Here it is common to use herbs that are commonly used in food  in the States (chamomile, fennel, sage, basil, etc) as medicine. Saint John's Wort and Chamomile are known to cure stomach problems such as aches, cramps, and vomiting. They sell these herbs at the city market on Thursdays and Sundays. I will try to write about my experience selling at the market later.

It's a little crazy here with the two young children, Yana is especially a handful. She feels like a little sister. The house is tri-lingual between Spanish, English, and Mum (a native Guatemalan language, one of 26, I think). Todd and Cati want me to speak English to the kids, and then we speak Spanish when we are all together at meals or with other family members (Cati is one of 10, and they all live in Ixtahuacan). I've met most of the extended family, and can remember most of their names, except all the men in the family look very similar.
   
It still feels very strange to be here, and it will take some time to warm up to some of the customs, like washing clothes by hand (I feel so spoiled now), not having an oven, and eating corn tortillas at every meal. I hope I warm up a little more to the culture, but for now, it will certainly be a grand experience.